Fear, and What to Do with It

I'm moving in four months.

Even to write that seems foreign to the little girl who had her life all planned out for the town she grew up in.

I was the kid who always had the answer to that classic question "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Grow up, graduate college by 22, meet and marry a good Christian guy who was tall, dark and handsome, and settle down to teach 3rd grade in my hometown and raise 3 kids.

Perfect
Idyllic
and boring.

Here I am at 24

Single
Almost finished with college,
and about to move to a new state to teach preschool.

The Lord is funny with His plans, isn't He?

Yet even as I've prayed and thought and prayed some more, realizing that this is truly my desire, Fear begins to creep in.

I'm so afraid that I'll hate it. That I'll miss my family too much, and regret my decision, that I won't make any new friends, or that I won't find a church family as wonderful as the one I have now.

I'm afraid of losing touch with my friends back home, that I'll be bored in the little town of 14,000 when I grew up in a city of 70,000. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make enough money, that I won't ever meet my Romeo who I've been waiting for.

Even though I've grown and changed, and the Lord has given me confidence and independence, a thirst for adventure and new things, and a great and mighty Love that I know will not let me go,
Deep down, I'm still that fearful little girl who had her life planned out, and who couldn't bring herself to talk to strangers.

I wonder why I'm really so afraid. I mean, the Lord tells us 365 times in the bible not to fear.
Fear should be something I can pray against, and it will magically go away.

Right?

"Fear is necessary for us to be courageous." A wise man told me the other day.

Every time I think of it, these words brings tears to my eyes, because there is so much truth, and so much relief in that one sentence.

I don't have to fight the feeling of fear which grows whenever I think of leaving.

All I have to do is act in spite of it, and follow where God leads, and He will do the rest.

Hanna Elizabeth

Good Good Father

Why is the Lord so good to us?
That's a silly question you might say.
He's good to us because He's good and kind and loving. He's good to us because He is, as the song says, a good good father who takes care of us.

Yes, but there's more. The Lord is so good to us, that He takes care of our needs, gives us our desires, and grants us blessings abundantly.

What has been striking me, is how often he saves us from Ourselves.

When we want something so badly, that relationship, that promotion at work, or even the approval of others, and the Lord says simply.
No
What ensues can be a mixture of whining, complaining, frustration, and bitterness.

How dare God tell me no! Doesn't He know that this thing is going to make me happiest?

We fume for days or even months on end like a petulant child tugging at God's sleeves, continually asking Him to grant our requests.

Then one day, we wake up, look behind us, and realize that the one thing we've wanted all this time, wasn't actually what we needed-or truly desired

Realizing that I got what I truly needed, instead of what I wanted is a humbling experience.

As I hang my head in shame as I look back on the many times that I've been guilty of these things, my gracious Father lifts my face gently, so that I can meet His gaze.
"You are forgiven. Trust Me and move forward with boldness"  He says, His voice like soft thunder.

He forgives me, refines me, and irons out the wrinkles one by one.

We have a good, good Father.

In Christ,
Hanna Elizabeth